Joke of the Day

Potatoes

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are running down the street away from the police as they had just robbed a bank. They look for somewhere to hide and find some bags. The Englishman jumps into the bag named 'cats', the Scotsman jumps into a bag named 'dogs' and the Irishman jumps into the bag named 'potatoes'. The police find the bags and kick the one named 'cats, and the Englishman says 'meow'. The Scotsman gets kicked and says 'woof'. The Irishman gets kicked and says 'potatoes'!

Doctor, Doctor

- Doctor, doctor, I think I've gone a funny colour. - Nonsense, it's just a pigment of your imagination.

Pen

A boy called the doctor.. - "Doctor, doctor come quick, my younger brother has just swallowed my pen." - "I'll be right over - what are you doing in the meantime?" - "I'm using a pencil..."

Wrinkled elephants

A."Why are elephants so wrinkled?" B."Have you ever tried ironing one?"

Pack of Cards

- Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a pack of cards. - Sit down and I'll deal with you later.

Fortune Tellers

There are always fortune-tellers at the seaside. Two of them met on the front at Frinton one sunny summer day. 'Lovely weather,' said the first fortune-teller. 'Yes,' said the second. 'It reminds me of the summer of 2010.'

Rainy Vacation

I went on vacation last week. What a week it was. It only rained twice - once for three days, once for four.


Wooden Leg

- Doctor, Doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain. - Why is that? - My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.

Tablecloths

CUSTOMER: How often do you change the tablecloths in this establishment? WAITER: I don't know, sir, I've only worked here six months.

Do you want a cup of Chihuahua ? One or two ?

Fillet?

- Waiter, Waiter! I'd like a glass of beer and a piece of fish. - Fillet? - Yes - right to the top.

"It must be the drink"

DOCTOR: Well, Mr Jones, I can't find anything wrong with you. It must be the drink. MR JONES: Okay, Doctor, I'll come back in the morning when you're sober.

> > >Deux p'tits vieux au bordel
> > >
> > > Deux vieux constatent qu'il ne leur reste pas beaucoup de
> > > jours à vivre. Ils décident de prendre quelques verres et de
> > > finir au bordel.
> > >
> > > L'hôtesse, en voyant arriver ces deux petits vieux, dit
> > > immédiatement à son gérant : ' Va dans les deux premières
> > > chambres et met une poupée gonflable dans chaque lit. Ces
> > > deux-là sont si vieux et si bourrés que je ne vais pas
> > > perdre mon temps avec deux de mes filles. Ils ne verront
> > > jamais la différence. '
> > >
> > > Le gérant fit ce qu'il devait faire et les deux vieux
> > > montèrent à leur chambre.
> > >
> > > Sur le chemin du retour, le premier vieux dit :
> > >
> > > - Je pense que la fille
> > > était morte.
> > > - Morte, dit l'autre. Pourquoi dis-tu ça ?
> > > - Bien, elle ne réagissait pas et elle n'a fait aucune
> > > remarque tout le temps que je lui ai fait l'amour.
> > >
> > > - Moi, c'est pire! Je pense que la mienne était une sorcière...
> > >
> > > - Une sorcière, comment peux-tu bien dire ça ?
> > >
> > > - Bien, je lui faisais l'amour, je l'embrassais partout et
> > > je lui ai même fait une petite morsure sur le téton.
> > >
> > > Alors, elle a pété et elle a disparu par la fenêtre en
> > > emportant mon dentier.

"There's a fly in my wine!"

- 'Waiter! There's a fly in my wine!' - 'Well, you did ask for something with a little body, sir.'

Right and Left Legs

- DOCTOR : The pain in your right leg is caused by old age. - OLD MAN : But my left leg is the same age and that doesn't hurt.

Smoked Salmon

- Waiter, waiter, have you smoked salmon? - No, sir, but I have smoked a pipe.

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SEX:

Global Facts . . .
At Any Given Moment:


FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now.

FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old timer is reading about it..

You hang in there, Sunshine . . .

Bank Robbery

After the bank was robbed for the third time by the same bandit, the FBI agent asked the bank teller, "Did you notice anything special about the man?" "Yes, he seemed better dressed each time."

A Quiet Burglar

A man went to the police station and demanded to be allowed to speak to the man who had broken into his house the previous night. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "But you don't understand," said the man. "I want to know how he got into my house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."

> La position du rodéo

> Dans le lit, une nouvelle position à essayer !!!
> Elle s'appelle 'La position Rodéo'.
> Retournez madame sur le ventre,
> Pénétrez-la délicatement,
> Prenez ses seins des deux mains,
> Et dites :
> 'On dirait vraiment ceux de ma collègue de travail !'
>
> A partir de là , il FAUT tenir 8 secondes !!!
>
> Bonne chance !!! :N8:

Birthday Present

- Dad: Son, what do you want for your 18th birthday? - Son: Just a radio, dad... With a sports car around it.