Joke of the Day

Manager's Speech

The manager started his speech at 10 a.m. sharp and ended at 11 a.m. dull.

Vision Problem

My boss didn't come into work today. He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem. When I asked what was wrong, he replied, "I just can't see myself at work today."

Choking?

- Brian: (eating his lunch at school) Teacher, I've got a bone stuck in my throat. - Teacher: Are you choking? - Brian: No, I'm serious.

This week, Mjikuu, one of three female gorillas at London Zoo, looks at a photo of the new male that will be joining them soon from a French zoo. But what's being said?

Poor Mjikuu thought they were introducing an albino gorilla into their compound, until she realises the photograph was on the other side of the paper.

BBC News

Scotland pic

Pour Brian Do you remember ? :N8:

Scarf And Hat

- What did the scarf say to the hat? - You go on ahead and I'll just hang around.

Nurse

After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. 'Don't worry,' said a policeman, 'a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.' Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'

Conclusion de ces 2 vidéos ... Faites l'amour pas la guerre

Make love not the war, or both

Christine a écrit: Conclusion de ces 2 vidéos ... Faites l'amour pas la guerre

Make love not the war, or both

c'est pas faux!

en tout cas, les ralentis sont bien sympa.

Speeding Ticket

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked. The police officer pointed towards the sky. "You mean," asked the motorist, "that even God is against me?"

Abstract Noun

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?" "Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."

Accuracy

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back. Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy. Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"

Alligator's Teeth

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.



If somebody CAN do this without changing direction I want video proof At least 30 secs!! Have tried and tried its soooooooooooo hard

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C'est si drôle, que vous continuerez à l'essayer encore au moins 50 fois pour voir si vous pouvez contrôler votre pied ... Mais vous ne pouvez pas!!!

1. En étant assis à votre bureau, soulevez votre pied juste du plancher et faites le tourner dans le sens des aiguilles d'une montre.
2. Tandis que vous faites cela avec votre pied, dessinez le numéro "6" en l'air avec votre main droite. Votre pied changera la direction!!!
Et vous ne pourrez rien y faire.

Si quelqu'un PEUT le faire sans changer la direction du pied, je veux la preuve vidéo au moins 30 secondes!! On a essayé et encore essayé sans relâche

sorry about he length of this, I must be getting old I actually remember some of it



Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously... Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis , set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people..

I never had a telephone in my room.The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home.. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.

1.Candy cigarettes
2.Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3.Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5.Newsreels before the movie
6.TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
7.Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10.Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with lever
12. Blue flashbulb
13.Cork popguns
14. Studebakers
15. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 11-15 =You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life...

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends....



Jill

Anaesthesia

An oral surgeon was scheduled to extract four wisdom teeth from Jim, a high-school football player, who had opted to be sedated for the procedure. As the anaesthesia was being administered, the doctor asked Jim how he was feeling. "Man," he replied, struggling to keep his eyes open, "I feel like I'm in English class."

You Know You Grew Up In the 80’s IF
You Know You
(or your kids)
Grew Up In the 80’s IF:

1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.

2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do theCarlton

3. You know that ‘WOAH’ comes from Joey on Blossom

4. If you ever watched ‘Fraggle Rock’

5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
9. You played the game ‘MASH’(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

11. You know the profound meaning of ‘ WAX ON , WAX OFF’

12. You wanted to be a Goonie.

13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (Some of us…head-to-toe)

14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off, his cheeks shifted and his nationality became questionable.

15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

16. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.

17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

18. You still get the urge to say ‘NOT’ after every sentence.

19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave
because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.

22. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying ‘I know you are, but what am I?’

23. You remember ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’

24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool… and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as ‘NKOTB’

31. You knew all the characters names and
their life stories on ‘Saved By The Bell,’ The ORIGINAL class.

32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

33. You just sang those words to yourself.

34. You still sing ‘We are the World’

35. You tight rolled or french cuffed your jeans. And still debate on which is the right term!

36. You owned a bannana clip.

37. You remember ‘Where’s the Beef?’

38. You used to (and probably still do) say ‘What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?’

39. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!

40. your hair looked like this for at least 1 school picture!

PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO GREW UP IN THE 80s or Early 90s

Animal Crackers

When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" his mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

I like Charles, he's cool