Joke of the Day

No Crayons

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Steve came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Merc, I ain't got no crayons." "Steve," Miss Merc said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Steve said, "What happened to all them crayons?"

Christine a écrit:

ah ah ah excellente la plaque

Oui elle est top celle là

Cutting Class

"Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?" "Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." "It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.

Dependents

A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had. "Sixteen," he replied. The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?" The man replied, "Not if I can help it."

Diagnosis

A man walked into the doctor's office. He had a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?", he asked. "You're not eating properly", replied the doctor.

Digging For Worms

My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother. "No, honey, he won't do for bait," his mother said. "He's not an earthworm." "He's not?" Eddy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"

Doctor's Order

A guy says to the bartender, "A glass of your finest Less, please." "Less? Never heard of it." "C'mon, sure you have." "No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?" "I'm not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink Less."

Warm Water

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. "Did you drink warm water an hour before breakfast each day?" "No," replied the man, "All I could do was about 15 minutes!"

Easy Operation?

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Elephant Cage

Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day for an outing, since they had been at school all week. They decided to visit the elephant cage, but soon enough, they were picked up by a police officer for causing a commotion. The officer hauled them off to security for questioning. The supervisor in charge asked them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage. The first boy innocently said, "My name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage." The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage." The third boy was a little shaken up and said, "Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts."

The English Teacher

An English teacher at Iowa State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students' written work. She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one very busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?" "Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state. After a slight pause the student tried again, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter... ?"

be carefull when typing; a little story

A Scotish couple decided to go to Lanzarote to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Scotland and flew to Lanzarote on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.
Meanwhile...somewhere in Winchester .. a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the message, she screamed and then fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I have Arrived!

Dearest Love, I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS .. Sure is freaking hot down here!

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a
house:

"Talking Dog For Sale ." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the
dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a
Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when
I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the
CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world
leaders,because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was
one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a
job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near
suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
medals.

I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired"

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."