Joke of the Day

Clowning around

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Criminal kids

The police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Arctic cow

What do you call an arctic cow ? An eskimoo!

Night train

Through a scheduling mix up, a man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It's late, the train is full, and everyone else is already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

A Man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now
you probably won't remember, but I'm afraid you were in a pile-up on the
motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be
OK, but there is a bit of bad news and I'm going to break it to you as
gently as I can. Your Willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable
to find it.'

The bloke groans a bit (as you do) but the doctor goes on, 'We've checked
your insurance and you've actually got £9,000 compensation coming to you
and the good news is that we have the technology now to build you a new
Willy that will work just as well as your old one, better in fact. But the
thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It is one thousand pounds an inch.'

The bloke perks up a bit at this (as you would.) 'So it's a simple
decision,' the doctor says, you need to decide how many inches you want.

But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had
a five inch willy before and you decide to go for a nine inch Willy now,
she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine incher before and you
decide only to invest in a five incher now, she might be a bit
disappointed. So it's important that you consult with her to help you make
the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. 'So' he says, 'have you spoken with
your wife?'

'I have.' says the chap.

'And has she helped you to make the decision?'

'Yes, she has' he says.

'And what is the decision?' asks the doctor.....................................

.............................................................................


'We're having a new kitchen.

Forgetfulness

Two elderly couples are having dinner and afterward, the women go into the kitchen to clean up. One man tells the other, "Me and the wife went to eat at the best place last night. I just can't remember the name." The other guy says, "Try to think of it, because I'm trying to find new places to eat." The first man says, "Well, what do you call that flower?" "Lily?" "No, the one women like?" "Carnation?" "No. The one that's red with thorns." "Oh a rose?" The first man thinks for a second and then says, "Yeah, that's right." Then he turns toward the kitchen and says, "Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

St. Patrick

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakeable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

Car accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few very large swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Snake bite

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you're gonna die."

Wily grandad

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Whinging monk

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

Chicken madness

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of
his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar
home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.The doctor
asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like
this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.Then I tried with my
left hand, but still nothing.Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.We
even called up Tina, the lady next door and she tried too, first with
both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her
knees, but still nothing.'The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your
neighbour?' The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the bloody jar
open.'

Bear necessities

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won't help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

6 7 8 9

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9

Plane crash

A small 1-seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Police have recovered 102 bodies so far and will continue to dig throughout the night.

Church with a teacher

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?". One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Don't lie to your teacher

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tyre. Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tyre was flat?"

Pray before lunch

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Seafood satire

Did you hear about Dave? He went to a seafood disco last week and danced so energetically that he pulled a mussel.

Animal instincts

They say animal behaviour can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.

Joke of the night^^
Le bleu est porteur de plein de vice comme l'aggréssivité


La tricherie


Toujours cette polémique du bleu qui revient...sa deviens lassant
Mouhahahahaha

Oui et le bleu à la main ... euh patte baladeuse
Tu as raison, c'est lassant et puérile !

Air crash

A stupid person is watching the news with his wife when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men have died in a skydiving accident.

The stupid person starts crying to his wife, sobbing 'That's horrible!'

Confused, she says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the man, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'